This post is from October 19, 2011 and has been sitting here as a draft. Took us a little bit to look it over and finally hit publish...
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Some of you know that after doing IVF for the boys we had 3 embryos left. They were frozen and we had to decide what to do with them. We have had 3 years of praying and searching for an answer. We finally decided to try again. A burden we've been carrying was wondering what to do with any embryos left over again. We didn't think there was any way, physically or financially, that we could have three more children. If we try again and there are is "someone" still left over, we would probably have to donate them to a couple looking for their own little blessing. This was beyond ours strength and courage, but we knew if God wanted us to do this then he would supply the strength and courage we would need daily. We prayed for the potential couple that might be out there and could be receiving our child. The thought of someone who does not try their best to love God and repeatedly run back to Him after failing or teaching our child about Him is incredibly painful. Another prayer was something like this: Father, we pray there was never any life on hold, frozen, waiting, because of desires to start a family 3 years ago...may all three embryos not be viable. Finally, another prayer went: Father, we pray the first two are not viable, but the third is and whatever happens from there we will be completely at peace knowing either way You made this happen for us. Ultimately, we did not have to decide on donating. Especially since we have always felt that adopting may be part of our future. We knew this was a huge burden on us, but I don't think we knew just how big it was until this wednesday.
Wednesday we went in for the transfer. We knew this was the only transfer we could do because our insurance would only pay for one more. There is no way we would be able to cover all the expenses on our own. So this was it. They were going to "defrost" our embryos one at a time. If the first one looked good, they would implant it. If it didn't work and we had embryos left then we would have to donate before our family was full. The possibility of the implant failing and still having to donate was our biggest fear. Next was that we would have to donate at all. Third fear was having twins again. Three years ago we decided to double our chances and had 2 embryos implanted. They knew we only wanted one put in this time, so they'd only be thawing one and there was a good chance of having embryos left over.
We were in our room waiting for our doctor (fantastic woman, she is) to arrive. Things finally started moving and the embryologist came in to tell us how the unfreezing went. He started to tell us the "bad news" that the first two embryos did not make it, but the third was beautiful and he handed us a picture of the little guy, or girl. Frank made him stop to repeat it because he thought he was imagining it. The man apologized and said it again. Frank and I could not hide our goofy grins. God had taken our burden from us. God placed the embryos in order for us. If they would have thawed the third one first, we would have never known what was to be of our donated embryos. We no longer had an impossible decision to make. We were able to just enjoy the ride and see what God had in store for us. We do not know if we are going to be pregnant in two weeks, but right now we are. Our family is complete, no one has to leave. We are sending our love to this little one as long as we get to. No matter what happens God's hand was in this 100% and we are so glad.
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Some of you know that after doing IVF for the boys we had 3 embryos left. They were frozen and we had to decide what to do with them. We have had 3 years of praying and searching for an answer. We finally decided to try again. A burden we've been carrying was wondering what to do with any embryos left over again. We didn't think there was any way, physically or financially, that we could have three more children. If we try again and there are is "someone" still left over, we would probably have to donate them to a couple looking for their own little blessing. This was beyond ours strength and courage, but we knew if God wanted us to do this then he would supply the strength and courage we would need daily. We prayed for the potential couple that might be out there and could be receiving our child. The thought of someone who does not try their best to love God and repeatedly run back to Him after failing or teaching our child about Him is incredibly painful. Another prayer was something like this: Father, we pray there was never any life on hold, frozen, waiting, because of desires to start a family 3 years ago...may all three embryos not be viable. Finally, another prayer went: Father, we pray the first two are not viable, but the third is and whatever happens from there we will be completely at peace knowing either way You made this happen for us. Ultimately, we did not have to decide on donating. Especially since we have always felt that adopting may be part of our future. We knew this was a huge burden on us, but I don't think we knew just how big it was until this wednesday.
Wednesday we went in for the transfer. We knew this was the only transfer we could do because our insurance would only pay for one more. There is no way we would be able to cover all the expenses on our own. So this was it. They were going to "defrost" our embryos one at a time. If the first one looked good, they would implant it. If it didn't work and we had embryos left then we would have to donate before our family was full. The possibility of the implant failing and still having to donate was our biggest fear. Next was that we would have to donate at all. Third fear was having twins again. Three years ago we decided to double our chances and had 2 embryos implanted. They knew we only wanted one put in this time, so they'd only be thawing one and there was a good chance of having embryos left over.
We were in our room waiting for our doctor (fantastic woman, she is) to arrive. Things finally started moving and the embryologist came in to tell us how the unfreezing went. He started to tell us the "bad news" that the first two embryos did not make it, but the third was beautiful and he handed us a picture of the little guy, or girl. Frank made him stop to repeat it because he thought he was imagining it. The man apologized and said it again. Frank and I could not hide our goofy grins. God had taken our burden from us. God placed the embryos in order for us. If they would have thawed the third one first, we would have never known what was to be of our donated embryos. We no longer had an impossible decision to make. We were able to just enjoy the ride and see what God had in store for us. We do not know if we are going to be pregnant in two weeks, but right now we are. Our family is complete, no one has to leave. We are sending our love to this little one as long as we get to. No matter what happens God's hand was in this 100% and we are so glad.
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