This was drafted back at the beginning of November, but took a while to think about actually publishing this post. If you haven't read the previous post, you may want to do that first.
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We told very few people, but Friday, October 28, was the day we'd find out if we would be parents of 2 or 3. This happened to fall on the exact same day we had been planning, with our missional community, a neighborhood pumpkin carving party in our back yard . The whole day I was flipping out. Poor Frank, every time he looked at me, or asked me to do anything, I would burst into tears. The crying started the night before. I knew from the last time that this was going to be the kind of day I was going to have. I stayed pretty busy with the boys and getting ready for the party. I think the worst part was knowing that several of the people coming over knew this was the day and if it was bad news, how in the world was I going to hold it together every time someone new walked in. However, I knew God had me and He would carry me through.
It was 4:45pm on the 28th, the party started at 5pm and a couple from our group was already here helping us set up. Frank ran upstairs to do something and I was outside with the boys when the phone rang. A very happy lady asked me if I was ready for the news. Then she tells me that the embryo is still there, but it is not alive and it tried really hard to make it. I was trying really hard to not to fall apart and was doing a good job. I was looking around for Frank, but couldn't remember where he said he would be. I passed two people who knew I was not ok, but I had to find Frank first. I finally hid and called him to find out where he was. He was upstairs. He met me at the top of the stairs and I fell apart. A few minutes later Jeremy runs up the stairs because people started arriving and he doesn't do well in big crowds. So Jeremy and I snuggled upstairs for a while. He kept checking on me and hugging me and somehow making me laugh.
I knew I had to go down and mingle, but every time I thought of it, I'd start crying again. I finally forced myself and Jeremy downstairs, with Frank leading us like a body guard. I hit the bottom step and I was ok. There were no tears left and a peacefulness rested on me. Throughout the night I found out there were three other people there who had been crying all day. God put us all together on the same night to comfort each other when none of us would have done it on our own. In my mind, getting the news, good or bad, couldn't have landed on a worse day. Thankfully God is in control and not me. I was so blessed that night by my neighbors and was so in awe of Gods love, strength and faithfulness. I was telling a lady I had only met once before, about what God had done for us concerning the embryos. She said that God is always that present and physical in our lives, He just chooses to let us see a glimpse of it once in a while. That has had me in awe, once again, all day. I knew it in my head, but not in my heart, or maybe I just didn't know what it looked and felt like.
I spent today loving and playing with my little miracle, crazy haired boys (as Kelli calls them). I am so blessed to get to be their mom. God is so faithful and loving. What a week!
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We told very few people, but Friday, October 28, was the day we'd find out if we would be parents of 2 or 3. This happened to fall on the exact same day we had been planning, with our missional community, a neighborhood pumpkin carving party in our back yard . The whole day I was flipping out. Poor Frank, every time he looked at me, or asked me to do anything, I would burst into tears. The crying started the night before. I knew from the last time that this was going to be the kind of day I was going to have. I stayed pretty busy with the boys and getting ready for the party. I think the worst part was knowing that several of the people coming over knew this was the day and if it was bad news, how in the world was I going to hold it together every time someone new walked in. However, I knew God had me and He would carry me through.
It was 4:45pm on the 28th, the party started at 5pm and a couple from our group was already here helping us set up. Frank ran upstairs to do something and I was outside with the boys when the phone rang. A very happy lady asked me if I was ready for the news. Then she tells me that the embryo is still there, but it is not alive and it tried really hard to make it. I was trying really hard to not to fall apart and was doing a good job. I was looking around for Frank, but couldn't remember where he said he would be. I passed two people who knew I was not ok, but I had to find Frank first. I finally hid and called him to find out where he was. He was upstairs. He met me at the top of the stairs and I fell apart. A few minutes later Jeremy runs up the stairs because people started arriving and he doesn't do well in big crowds. So Jeremy and I snuggled upstairs for a while. He kept checking on me and hugging me and somehow making me laugh.
I knew I had to go down and mingle, but every time I thought of it, I'd start crying again. I finally forced myself and Jeremy downstairs, with Frank leading us like a body guard. I hit the bottom step and I was ok. There were no tears left and a peacefulness rested on me. Throughout the night I found out there were three other people there who had been crying all day. God put us all together on the same night to comfort each other when none of us would have done it on our own. In my mind, getting the news, good or bad, couldn't have landed on a worse day. Thankfully God is in control and not me. I was so blessed that night by my neighbors and was so in awe of Gods love, strength and faithfulness. I was telling a lady I had only met once before, about what God had done for us concerning the embryos. She said that God is always that present and physical in our lives, He just chooses to let us see a glimpse of it once in a while. That has had me in awe, once again, all day. I knew it in my head, but not in my heart, or maybe I just didn't know what it looked and felt like.
I spent today loving and playing with my little miracle, crazy haired boys (as Kelli calls them). I am so blessed to get to be their mom. God is so faithful and loving. What a week!
this was beautiful and heartbreaking to read - thanks for your sharing your story. as always, your family is in our prayers..
ReplyDeletePrecious friend... I read this yesterday & thanked God for a faithful friend like you. He IS Good. He HAS plans for us...not to harm us but for GOOD. :) Bask in his goodness.
ReplyDeletePrayer alert - I woke up in the middle of the night last night praying for you to conceive naturally. Seriously- woke up & I was already praying/thinking it. It was so wonderful! Love you,
Jenn
My long-distance hugs and prayers are with you both. I'm so glad for the peace and faith you have found.
ReplyDelete-Tanya
Just read this today. Holly, you were so brave to share this moment and give God glory through a hard time. I love how Frank is always your protector. I also love that little Jeremy who knows just when you need some snuggles. Looking forward to seeing you soon.
ReplyDelete